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As a mom, all you want is to raise a child with self-confidence. A child’s self-confidence determines how said child interacts with life. A child with high self-confidence can adapt to the changes in life. This child is more eager to try new things.
Children with low self-confidence are the opposite. These children are reluctant to try new things. They think they are not good enough. It makes it hard for them to show up.
Luckily, we can do something about it. It is possible to help your child who is struggling with low self-confidence.
In this post, we will explore 13 ways you can raise your child’s self-confidence.
How to raise your child’s self-confidence
It can be a daunting task but, it doesn’t have to be. Parenting does not come with a manual. But as long as our heart is in the right place, we can conquer this parenting gig. In the beginning, we don’t know that our child’s self-confidence is our job, as parents, initially, anyway. And so, yes, it can come as a minor shock when this first dawns on you.
Here are some ways you can implement to help your little human grow in self-confidence.
Teach them new things
1.) Teach them new things: kids love learning new things. Especially things they can improve on. You can teach your child how to make her favourite meal. The task must be age-appropriate to avoid it backfiring. You want to teach things the child has an opportunity to succeed in with effort and overtime.
Praise effort more than results
2.) Praise effort more than results. For your child’s self-confidence to increase, you must focus on the steps your child takes and not the result, so much. An example, if your child has a school project, zone in on the bits and pieces that make up a project. Say things like, “It is so admirable how focused you are while researching for this. You must be so proud of yourself. I am.” You can ask questions about the project and then praise them for taking the time to learn so much about the project.
When we take the time to praise effort more than results, we give our kids the opportunity to see how effort is a big part of any goal.
To help raise your child’s self-confidence- You must be a good example
3.) It is ideal to be a good example. We want our children to be valuable, productive, kind and loving citizens of the world, so we must model that. It can happen in the small everyday things, like preparing a meal. ( I will admit, I used to complain over making dinner, and look, I still sometimes do. I’m human.)
But I came across this idea of changing one word in the, ‘I HAVE to’ phrase to “I GET to.” And honestly, this has helped me reframe how I see my world. Now I say, ” I get to make dinner for my family.” This display of enthusiasm teaches the boys to value showing up and being helpful.
It will help boost your child’s self-confidence when they realise you love doing things for them. And it will help them reframe the way they see the world. It is a blessing to get to do something. It brings perspective to the reality that others don’t get to and wish they could.
“Your children will become who you are so, be who you want them to be.”
Stop with the harshness and shaming
This one can be hard to track down but, it needs to be. The quickest way to dwarf your child’s self-confidence is to shame them. Shame sounds like, “Oh gosh, what were you thinking!” Or “Why are you so lazy?” Or “Of course, you never listen.
It is so important to watch out for words and tone when speaking to our little humans. Our voice becomes their internal critic. And if we are not careful over what we sow into their heads, we set them up to put themselves down for a long time.
Focus on your child’s strengths
5.) Yes, this may sound counter to the first point about teaching them new things but, it’s not. It is necessary to take the time and figure out what it is your child excels in and take an interest in that.
This strength is a good one to bring up during the teaching of new things. Reminding your child that she has something she is good at helps with self-confidence. It is also a great way to remind her she was once an amateur in what she excels in. And if she was able to master something before, she can do it with something new too.
On an emotional level, it shows your child that you are paying attention. And that is the ultimate way to raise your child’s self-confidence, and attention.
Allow your kids to help and build self-confidence
6.) We grew up in a slightly different world than they are now. We knew most, if not all, our neighbours. We were neighbourhood kids. It meant we had opportunities to help someone out. It’s hard for these kids in suburbia and, pretty much how scary the world has become, we need to be cautious.
That said, it is still important to allow your kids to help. Your kids can help at school when there is a concert or a sporting event that they aren’t taking part in. Give them room to help people, especially older people, in public- under your supervision.
When other people thank your child and are specific in their appreciation, it raises a child’s self-confidence because they get to see other parts of themselves through strangers. It is encouraging because other people offer supporting evidence to what the parent already sees.
Give your children opportunities to give
7.) Give your children the opportunity to give. It is slightly different from the above point. By giving children the opportunity to be generous, you place the ball in their court.
As mom’s, we usually take on the decluttering of the house and leave the husband and the kids out. Make it stop today! Get your children involved in sorting through the clothes and toys they no longer use.
Yes, they may fight you at the beginning. And when they do, ask them to set aside all the things they are suddenly in love with. Tell them to spend a week or two with said items and, whatever doesn’t get a second look in that period, then has to go. And they get to keep the things they adore while giving someone else a chance to fall in love with something for the first time.
Your children will learn there are people beyond just them. And even better, they will realise they can play a role in adding sunshine to another person’s life.
How to help raise your child’s self-confidence around productivity
8.) Discover your child’s passions together. It is dizzying trying to keep up with your child’s latest interests but it’s necessary. And no, I am not saying throw yourself into everything because, WOW, who has those hours in a day?
I am saying show interest by asking questions and how you can help them. When you are out shopping, you see a comic book and you know your child is into comics, grab one. If your child is interested to learn how to edit, find an inexpensive starter course and sign the kid up.
The display of interest skyrockets your child’s self-confidence because the child feels supported.
9.) Help your child set short term and long term goals. You can use a list of his passions to create this goals list. So your child is interested in learning how to edit videos. Find out what the long term idea is around this? Does he want to edit videos for other people and make it a business? Is this for personal videos? or is it for fun?
And work out the goals from there. If it is for business, his short term goals are learning the basics, with the long term being to advance. And eventually, scale a business and so on.
The aim of setting these goals is not to hit your child over the head with them. ( Remember, we are ditching the harshness!) But it is to show your child that making bite-size goals of the bigger goals and showing up gets you to your desired outcome. And if not, it teaches you new things about yourself. You can help them stay committed to a certain period to new interests. In this post, you can find out how to help your kids commit and why kids flake.
Progress NOT perfection is the name of the game
10.) Mom, you cannot stress this enough. Your little human needs to understand that humans value progress over perfection. This “perfection” game is a society that misplaced the original rules.
Children need to be allowed room to explore and make mistakes! And make new mistakes and not be ashamed for doing so. Only through being comfortable in making mistakes can we innovate, and think out of the box. (so to speak.)
We can model this by sharing our mistakes with our kids. We can also discuss how we’ve grown through our mistakes. Mistakes are part of the journey and, to help build your child’s self-confidence, mistakes have got to be part of the dance without shame.
Children who are not too bothered by mistakes try new things often and develop a growth mindset.
Allow your children to Fail
11.) Failing, kind of like the above point, is good. Allow your children to try for something and fail. Like, mistakes, failure gives your child the opportunity to recalibrate. And when we don’t shame kids for failing, it gives them the confidence to discuss their failures with you.
And it allows you to sit with them in their failure without trying to take it away or make it better. But listen to the feelings around it. And when they’ve settled, ask questions that will lead them to see their failure differently.
Questions such as: Where do you think it didn’t go as planned? Is it something you knew at the time? Now that you have new information, how might you tackle this next time? You get the idea, mama.
They MUST do chores
12.) I used to think chores are “a nice to have,” if we have time. I was so wrong. Doing chores is vital to a child’s self-confidence. And this is because doing chores is not limited to the home. A child who does chores at home has a greater chance of growing into an adult who spots opportunities.
I know, that blew my mind too. You can watch this TedTalk by Julie Lythcott below on chores ( Skip to 8:32” if you’re short on time). And then start drawing up a chore chart.
Nothing Raises a child’s self-confidence like love
13.) It goes without saying, but sometimes our days can get so so busy, we forget to show our love. We can easily take for granted that they know we love them. After all, all we do is for them, we tell ourselves. And it can be, in fact, most times it is. It is hard for them to tell when what we do takes us away from them more often than not.
And no, I am not guilt-tripping mothers who have to work away from home because attention isn’t just physical presence. It is taking an interest. It is saying, “Hey buddy, I see you, I know you and, I am overjoyed you picked me.”
Essentially that is all kids want. To know they are seen and loved, NO MATTER WHAT! In truth, it is what we all want. So no, it is not about being available twenty-four-seven it’s about being observant enough to know when it matters the most. And it is hard to achieve balance. Luckily, our kids are rooting for us too. So as long as we commit to showing up for them in the most empathetic way we can, we are more than halfway there.
I hope you have found this helpful. I am interested to know what advice you have about raising your child’s self-confidence? Please share in the comments and, we can all learn and better serve our children.
As always, I wish the kind of healing you deserve,