“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
– Walter Winchell

The world can be a rough place and the older we get the harder it is to find people who are like Thobi in Anathi A Lifeless Womb. The friend or friends who hold you down when life throws curve balls and pulls the proverbial rug from right under your feet.

You can count yourself lucky if you have one friend in your life who sees you like Thobi sees Anathi. I am so blessed that when I was writing Thobi, I had three friends to draw inspiration from.

The 3 Friends Who Inspired Thobi

Thobi was inspired by three friends in my life. I am going to tell you how these women have kept me sane.

Nada: The friend I didn’t see coming. Nada was on the periphery of my life, I met her through my husband, in fact, there is a running joke that she is STILL my husband’s friend and I am on loan.

Nada is the friend who can hold my mess! She gives me space to vent and helps me gather the pieces. She also knows how to dial me back, which is very important when you know just how far I can go in my head and victimhood paralysis.

Nada is also the friend who wouldn’t judge Anathi for Sifiso. She would only emphasize that Anathi walks into the situation eyes wide open.

She has and continues to be a necessary pillar in my life and I know she views me as one in her life because another thing we do well is: tell one another how much we love one another and how life is better because we are in one another’s lives.

Tumi : The big sister I never knew I needed. She is strength, the one who makes things happen and I don’t know when we decided but we did, we are family! Tumi will show up for me in ways that sometimes make me feel like “oh gosh this is a lot!”

She shows up for my mother in ways only a daughter can and there is no way you aren’t in love with a person who sees your mother! It is the cutest thing. Sometimes I feel like they are friends and again, I am the one on loan LOL!

Tumi will also put me in my place, FAST! She is more traditional in her ways than I am and she is there to reign me in when I have gone beyond the bounds of what is palatable. She’s my thinking friend, the one who will not allow me to throw in the towel! She is the Thobi who asks Anathi to think through all the changes she is making in her life.

And the one I can drive to at 4 am when I need to breathe, no questions asked.

Phumzile: the real-life sister who turned best friend for life. This girl God made for me, God knew this life would not work quite right without her in it. She is my literal heart and the quickest way to get me to hopelessly love you is by loving her.

She is one of the voices in my head, nevermind that she is my baby sister, she is wise beyond her years. The one who reminds me that the beat of my own drum is enough! She quietly holds my mess ALL THE TIME! She sings me back to life more times than I have cared to tell her.

Phumzile is the friend who, like Thobi, doesn’t need you to tell her when something is off, she just knows. She’s the Thobi who will schedule the other girls an hour later so she can spend time with Anathi alone before they arrive.

She is also my laugh until my belly hurts, tears streaming and gasping for air friend! As I mentioned above, she is my heart and it is a bonus that she is blood.

What They All Have in Common

What they all have in common: LOVE! I don’t for one-second question their love for me. They all have my best interests at heart and it is so solid that I sometimes forget that this is not true for everyone. I do wish this for everyone though, seriously it makes life a little easier to have people who ride for you.

Women Love Hard

We live in a world that will have you believe that women don’t like each other, I call BS! I have just given a snapshot of three women in my life who would go through the fire with and for me.

And the best news is, they aren’t the only ones, they are the ones who inspired Thobi. But I have women in my life who take care of different parts of me and give me space to breathe.

I have women who make me laugh until it hurts. I have women who seek my counsel and make me feel necessary in their lives. I have women who raise me up and help me believe my own hype LOL! I have women I have never met, in person, who take the time to validate my experience here on earth… So I believe women love hard and love other women harder, I think it is our default setting. We just have too many ill-informed people shouting the loudest about how we don’t get along! Again, I call BS!

Over to you: who is the Thobi in your life? Tag her, or them, in the comments section and she could stand a chance to win a signed copy of Anathi A Lifeless Womb as a thank you gift from you to her. Winner will be announced on September 30th 2020 at 2 pm. Open to South African residents.

4 Responses

  1. My best friend Landy is my Thobi❤️
    We just have that bond.. a forever thing We laugh like time and distance hasn’t separated the two of us. I love her like family. I value her so much. She’s the epitome of what a friend should be. Her presence in my life has never come bearing any drama, only memories I’ll cherish forever. She is loyal, kind-hearted, and intelligent.I’m so lucky to have her as my best friend.

    P.S Landy lives in Durban and I’m based in JHB now the long distance is a bummer but we talk everyday

    1. You ladies must hold on to one another until the very last breath. It is very hard to find humans who are for you no matter what, cherish that always. And it is so inspiring that distance hasn’t dulled the love!

  2. Naledi Tsukudu is my Thobi….i want to cry writing about this humble pure soul….she literally carried me and my family through our hardships. She was supportive by all means possible she is the sister I never had I love her dearly she is a true definition of I am my sisters keeper.

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