There are plenty self-worth myths floating around, yes there are some LIES out there. And today we are going to thrash those out!
Below is a list of 7 self-worth myths and 7 truths. When we separate truth from fiction we put ourselves in a position to make better decisions. Let’s get on with it, sis.
“I think about trust and confidence as something that you earn every day, and we will keep at it, earning it every day.” – Lynn Good
The definition of a myth according to the dictionary is, “a widely held but false belief or idea.” It is a fallacy, a misconception that has been allowed to run wild, unattended for waaaaay too long.
A self-worth myth is an unchecked belief, a misconception we have accepted as fact when it is NOT.
The idea that you must feel worthy first before you can do awesome things, is a self-worth myth.
The truth is you don’t, sis. You can do awesome things because they are the right thing to do. Your self-worth does not have to hang in the balance here.
For example, this year I started a platform to help women from all walks of life heal their childhood trauma. Did I feel like I am the person for the job? Nope!
But my belief that everyone deserves to experience a version of their healed or healing self overrides the need to feel worthy while pursuing this. The intention behind the platform is bigger than me, so there is no need to go back and forth.
The truth is, you can do awesome things before you feel worthy.
Another fallacy, you are either born with healthy self-worth or you are not. I call B.S!
Self-worth is a skill. It is something you can cultivate through multiple techniques.
Of course, it helps if you were raised in a loving home where you were affirmed. But if you were not so “fortunate” it does not mean there is no hope for you.
Self-worth is not something reserved for the lucky few. A healthy sense of self can be cultivated and nurtured by anyone who wants to.
Insert eye roll. Nope, self-worth is NOT fixed. It fluctuates.
You don’t have or build self-worth and then leave it at that. It is an ongoing experience. Feelings of worth fluctuate, they are not fixed. Some days are better than others. You will not always feel worthy, especially around new things, and that is perfectly okay.
So no, the woman who seems to always have it together, is not always together. But maybe her overall outlook on who she is on the inside helps her get back to herself quicker than someone who has a poor view of themselves internally.
Self-worth is not fixed, it fluctuates and how long you stay in the low feelings depends on how you perceive the situation or person who have encountered and your general opinion of yourself.
If you have been here-on this blog is what I mean- then you already know this is a myth!
It is like saying, breaking your bones makes them stronger, does that sound right?
With everything or most things in life, moderation is the key. Self-criticism to take note of a mistake in order to make a positive change is okay, even healthy. But if the majority of your time is spent criticising yourself, nothing good can come from that.
Excessive self-criticism can lead to mental health problems. An article from CBT Psychology states that:
self-criticism is often linked to anxiety, social anxiety, depression, eating disorders, body image issues, inability to cope with problems (e.g. bottling up feelings, avoiding our problems through negative coping skills like substance use, etc.)
o Triggers negative feelings: sadness, disappointment, anger, shame, guilt, worthlessness, hopelessness
Try self-compassion, sis, let’s see how that works out
Again another myth. Big wins may give us an elevated sense of worth, but it is fleeting.
Remember how we spoke about self-worth being an inside job? What truly matters is how you feel and see yourself. This is why true self-worth is cultivated in your private moments. It is when you set out to tackle life’s challenges and you triumph over them and when you stumble, you are able to pick yourself up.
The public wins are a confirmation of all the small consistent things you have been trusting yourself to do all along. Often we find people with big wins still berating themselves because they don’t believe they deserve a win, for whatever reason. So no, big wins are not automatic great self-worth creators. A confidence boost? Maybe.
No, ma’am shutting yourself off from the world indefinitely, will not do it.
The truth is, we all can benefit from alone time. Use the time to reflect and work on parts of ourselves. But to shut yourself off from the world to “work” on yourself will not help build self-worth.
Healthy self-worth is about you trusting you can handle what shows up in life. If you haul yourself up and only interact with the delivery guy from Uber or Checkers 60, how well are you truly handling life?
We need to interact with the world and the people in it to accurately measure how we feel about ourselves.
When you see someone smashing all of her goals, what is your reaction, what do you feel, think and say? Or when someone treats you poorly, how do you respond? These things you can only know when you interact with others.
Yes, take a break, and introspect but you have to come back into the game of life and live it.
People need to believe I am worthy for it to be true in the real world. Sound familiar? What do people think or will think syndrome.
People will believe whatever you feel and believe about yourself.
It is an inside job, sis. If you walk into a room and your thinking is, “I wonder if they like me?”Guess what energy you are giving off?
Your energy introduces you. If you are wondering if people like you or not, you will spend the whole time twisting and turning yourself to fit in. And then guess what? People will not get to meet the real you. Then you walk away knowing they did not like you or they were pretending to. When the truth is, they did not meet you. They met the version you wanted them to like.
The question we are working to ask ourselves when we walk into a room is, “I wonder if I LIKE them?”
It is tempting to want to look outside of ourselves to feel validated and worthy. The only truth is that it starts with you. It can be hard but, small consistent steps will get you there. Don’t believe the limiting stories. You belong here and it is time you started being the part.
If you found this helpful please share it with another woman who may be struggling with the same self-worth myths. Sharing helps us know we are not alone, and this makes it less scary for us to try and be more true to ourselves.
Until next time, I wish you all the healing you deserve.
Hi Gorgeous, my name is Mandisa Avutia and I help black women heal their lives. I assist black women rebuild their self-worth and realign to their life’s purpose so they can live the life they know, deep in their soul, they deserve. I remind black women that it is more than okay to put down the baggage we have been dragging around for generations. PUT IT DOWN, sis! And live your rightful path. I believe we all deserve to live from our core, and I know it can take time to get there, right? This is why I exist, to help you unearth, understand, give yourself compassion and transform. My sessions have a start and end date, because a huge part of healing is going out and ACTUALLY living as your healed self. Book your session today.